One night out of a million
by Beccy Jose
Summary: AU season 1. Wilson does something completely out of character and hurts Cameron. Chapters are intentionally short
1. 1

**One night out of a million**

AU season 1.

_Summary: Wilson does something completely out of character and hurts Cameron. _

**1. **The room is cold; the single blanket draped over her naked shoulders doesn't do much to protect her from the cold winds outside. The grey curtain dances in the wind coming from the half open window, and busy traffic seems too close. The sky is grey, and the sun that has just begun to rise is unable to be seen through the thick clouds.

She takes deep breathes, hiding her mouth and nose in her pillow, trying to stop herself from crying out. It seems so unreal.

The glass with water on the table next to her bed is knocked over, and the water that once had been in it is destroying the wood. The door out into the hallway is wide open, and she can see a pile of clothes here and there in the hallway. A few books in the bookcase next to the door are lying on the floor, and the sheets are a mess.

The arm draped around her waist hugs her closer to its body, and she tenses visibly, holding her breathe, willing him not to wake up, but to wake up anyway.

She eyes the blue numbers on her alarm clock, 6.32, her alarm clock will go off in three minutes, and she will have to get ready for work, she will have to forget this... No, she is on vacation for three days; she is going to see her mother.

She closes her eyes and mouth tightly as a single tear falls, it looks painful.

As the numbers change to 6.35 an upbeat song starts to play, and the man next to her grumbles disapprovingly, and she tenses even more.

"Hm?" she hides her face in her pillow as fresh hot tears falls. "Oh" he say realizing what she is doing in the same bed as him, and reaches out to touch her hip, and she jumps slightly at the contact, moving closer to the edge of the bed, making it clear that she doesn't want him to touch her. "Are you all right?" he asks kindly, and she grits her teeth, still facing the pillow.

"Leave" she whispers, begs him, she wants it to come out angrily, like a hiss, but she does not just hate this man now, she fears him now too.

He dresses silently, goes into the bathroom to wash up, and then leaves. He didn't utter anything close to an apology.

She turns off the alarm, and stares at the open window; she hears a dog bark outside.

"Merry Christmas" she whispers to the sky outside.


	2. 2

**2.** Finally dressed she sits down on the couch in her living room/hallway, and stares at the black screen on the TV. She thinks of all the people who are happy now, opening gifts, watching movies... singing... And then people like her, wishing the day could just be over with.

Hugging her knees, she looks out of the window, at the snow that just started to fall softly. Snowing on Christmas, which was a dream comes true when she was a kid.

She walks into the bathroom for the second time since she woke up, and stares at her face in the mirror. Her hair still damp from the shower falls flatly on her shoulders, making her look small and frail, just like she feel. Like anyone could just walk over without thinking twice about it. Like she's always been... but more hopeless.

Sitting down on the toilet so she wouldn't have to stare at herself, she once again hugs her knees, and tries to think of what to do.

She knows she has to press charges against him... that is the right thing to do, she is a doctor for Christ's sake, it is her job to do the right thing. But he is House's best friend... he is the good guy, would anyone really believe her? It would shatter House, his best friend he goes to for advice... But this is about her. That made it so difficult because she rarely put herself first.

Tears starts to fall again, and she cries out in frustration.

_What are you doing?_

She still remembers the tremble in her voice, still remembers his eyes when she asked the question- indifferent

She stares at her fingers.

She couldn't bring herself to shower anything else then her hair, she needed to clean herself somehow, if not her body then her hair.

But she stands up and quickly undresses and stands under the shower, scrubbing away every evidence of a crime.

_Something you can't prove isn't there_ a voice in her head say and she repeats it over and over to herself.

This didn't happen, this was just your mind playing a trick on you.

But the bruises say something else.

The mess in her apartment says something else.

* * *

**A/N:**Going out of town for a few days. Next part will be posted on Monday/Tuesday. _And pleaaase review! )_


	3. 3

**3.**"Allison?" it is her mothers voice on the other end of the line, she had almost forgotten that she called her mother, it took so long for her to answer, but now she is on the other line expecting an answer.

"Mom..." she say with a small and raw voice "I'm not feeling so good, so I can't come tonight" she doesn't feel like sitting down in a car and drive for five hours and then sit with her relatives and eat dinner and talk about what's going on in her life, and possibly meet someone her mother tries to set her up with, she can't pretend that she is ok today.

"If you don't feel like coming, just say it" she swallows, she had almost forgotten how her mother sounded when she was hurt, but it always stings, she's almost too indifferent. She can't take indifferent today.

"No really mom, I'm sick" she lies, and sighs. Looking out of the window she notice that it has stopped snowing.

"Well, you're the doctor" blinking away the tears forming in her eyes.

"Yeah, right" she agrees, and wonders what her mother would do if she knew. Probably not much, but she hopes that she wouldn't be so indifferent then. She clings onto that hope.

"I'll see you for New Years Eve then, maybe? If you're better then" still hurt, and sarcastic

"Yeah" she say half heartly, and closes her eyes. "Merry Christmas mom" she tries to make peace.

"Merry Christmas honey" she tries to smile at the feeling that her mother might accept her after all.

"Bye"

"Bye" and then there is a long hollow beep on the other line, and she hangs up quickly, and is reminded of how lonely everything is.


	4. 4

**4.**It's calm at the hospital when she comes back three days later.

She finds comfort in the coffee to keep her awake since she has been unable to sleep in her own bed for the past days.

"Good vacation?" Chase asks when she sits down by the computer and starts to answer House's mail.

"It was ok" she answers, she had told herself not to say any details, that would only get her caught in her lie.

"Did you go home to your family?" she stops typing for a few seconds, trying to collect herself.

"No" she settles with the honest answer.

"Why? Wasn't that why you took time off?" she turns the chair around slightly and glares at him before returning to House's mail. She notices a mail from Wilson, apparently a joke or a video he wants House to see. She deletes it with the reason that it was nothing anyone should do during their working hours, even though she herself had done it several times. "So what did you do then?" Chase continues to ask.

"Chase..." she says warningly, and closes her eyes, the images of what she remembered of the three days came back to her. The window... she stared out of the window for three days. The only good thing that came with that was a good weather knowledge.

"So what are you doing for New Years?" she stops typing completely, and lets her hands fall neatly in her lap.

"Visit my mom probably" she shrugs. To be honest she hasn't been home for Christmas or new years for years, the visits she had done had been done during random vacations during the year. She doesn't do holidays with her family, they're too hard. "You?" she puts her hands on the keyboard again, and waits for his answer.

"Watching tv" she guesses he was asking her to spend new years with him, but decided not when he heard her answer, because he sounded disappointed.

"Lucky you" she answers, and turns her gaze towards Wilson's office, and see him sitting with a patient, looking like the good doctor he makes out to be, and she wants to barf. She turns her gaze away quickly, and realizes that she has answered all the mails. And she doesn't know what to do next.


	5. 5

**5.**"Honey, you look so thin!" her aunt exclaims as soon as she notices her niece. "Can't you buy food in New Jersey?" she asks mockingly, and she pretends to laugh.

"With much to do at work it's hard to remember to eat" she smiles tightly, and hopes it doesn't look too fake.

"Oh, I almost forgot to tell you! Bill's cousins daughter Molly was treated when she had cancer by an oncologist there, I think his name was James Wilson... do you know him?" Bill was her husband with an enormous family, and therefore a lot of cousins, and she had no idea there was a kid named Molly in his family, that sounded too modern.

"Mhm" she answers, and takes a deep breathe. She had been hoping to forget about him while she was here.

"I told you Bill" she glares at the man next to her, and he shrugs his shoulders before returning to the conversation he has with his brothers. "I've been told he's a really good doctor, and nice too... so I've been thinking of going to him instead of that dumbass Leivenhaupht..." she say with a shudder. "So, is it true, you know, that he's nice"

"Uhm... That's the general opinion of him" she answers, and looks down in her drink, and wishes it is something stronger.

"But, what do _you_ think?" she insists, and she looks away, for an escape from this conversation.

"I don't like him particularly much" _I hate, hatehatehatehate, him._

"Oh, and what has he done to you then?" the Cameron bitch gene kicked in, the one she had never gotten, and all she can do is sigh, and try to find her brother.

She finds her brother in his old room on the second floor, and stands in the doorway.

He has grown so much, she thinks, and he looks up, his eyes are the same, still searching, sceptical, and kind. He immediately knows something is off.

"What's wrong?" he asks, and stands up quickly, and they're back to the same people they were twenty years ago.

"This family is wrong" she tries to joke, make him forget that he thought something was wrong.

"Seriously, Al, it's more then that" he looks into her eyes, and it feels like he is seeing everything that has happened the past five years so easily in her eyes that she has to look away.

She walks and sits down on his old bed, and looks at the stereo that still had a CD in it.

"Joseph, it's life that is wrong" and it is, everything that has ever happened to her is life. He sits down next to her, and pulls her to him.

"You grow up too quickly" he sigh.

"I'm _twenty-nine _Joseph" she glares at him mildly.

"Fine… but you did grow up a bit too quickly"

"I had to... you left home, dad died, and it was only me and mom left to take care of Susie and Aaron" he looks at her softly, and closes his eyes.

"You did a good job with them" he says, and she lets her tears fall again, and this time someone is there to hug her.

* * *

I'm so lazy with the updates, sorry! I have all chapters written so I just have to put them up here... Yeah. And just a heads up; Wilson's behaviour and why this happened _will _be explained, so he's supposed to be ooc!

Hugs/Rebecca

(PLEAASE review, it makes me smile and I'll give you cookieS!)


	6. 6

A/N:I'm so sorry!! I've been busy with school and all that usual stuff. I don't know how the updates will be for the next month since I need to write three essays, do two major tests, prepare a presentation on top of the usual school work until I "graduate" the 13th, and then I'm traveling abroad, and then I'm going to a camp on days (so might post on nights). There are dates that I know I will probably update, but they are few, so I'll do two chapters each time.  
And; all chapters are short, and I did it for a reason- the "feel" of the text. It's supposed to be "shallow"... I'm experimenting

* * *

**6.**The first case they have when she gets back is though, and she spends most of her time trying to prove that it isn't cancer so that they wouldn't have to call in Wilson.

She manages two days without even doing any research to prove that it isn't cancer, but then symptoms surfaces that only points to cancer and a few other diseases that don't fit with the rest of them, or is all ready ruled out.

House gets suspicious when she suggests one of the diseases they've all ready ruled out, one that is terminal no matter what, he tells her this, but she says that she thinks it makes most sense, and that the results could've been wrong. To please her and prove her wrong, he makes her do the test her again, only to get the result that it was negative.

_He _walks into the conference room casually, like he always have done, picks up the file in front of her, and she watches him, trying to see if he regrets what he has done somehow, so that she wouldn't have to hate him so much, because she hates to hate someone. But he doesn't avoid looking at her, nor does he just look at her. He acts like always, and it ticks her off.

"It's clearly..." he says rather shocked, and looks at House "Why haven't you brought this to me earlier?" he closes the file, and puts it down on the conference table again.

"The lady over there kept proving us wrong" House points at her and Wilson turn to look at her, and raises an eyebrow.

"I didn't think it was cancer" she explains softly, but she knew it was cancer; she just didn't _want _it to be cancer.

"C'mon, tell us something else" she glares at House who said it, but doesn't say anything else.

After Foreman and Chase left to tell the patient about the diagnosis, and that she would talk to the oncologist that would take care of her later, she was left alone with House and Wilson, who started to bicker about something she had no clue about, but what she could make out was that House thought Wilson was being a sissy about something. After a while House left with some advice for Wilson, and she was left alone with Wilson and had no excuse to leave.

"A relative of yours called me today to set up an appointment" she takes a deep breathe.

"I told her not to" she answer, and doesn't look up, she's pretending to read the newspaper.

"She sounds nice" he says in his mater-of-fact tone, the one he always uses.

"Stop talking to me" she glares at him.

"What?"

"After what you did you have no right to talk to me? You should be happy I didn't go to the police" he swallows hard, but continues to look at her. This is a side she hasn't seen before. Then he smiles briefly, and she wants to kick him.

"That's the reason you tried to prove it was not cancer" he states.

"No shit Sherlock" she looks towards House's office and see's him standing in the doorway listening to what they were saying. She stands up and walks out of the conference room.


	7. 7

**7**.She is angry. She is ready to punch who ever comes in her way if it comes to it.

This is what he has done to her. He has ruined her. She doesn't want this.

She doesn't know what to make out of all that anger, it is too much. And all she wants to do was scream at the top of her lungs. But all that will get her is a soar throat.

She sits in her car staring at the entrance for the parking lot outside the hospital.

This is what her life has come to, sitting and waiting for the man that screwed up her life to come to work. She half expects him not to show up, but then he does. His car turns into the parking lot, and parks in the same parking spot as he always parked. She steps out of her car and walks up to him, he doesn't notice her, and locks the car and turns to walk to the entrance of the hospital when he sees her there.

"Why did you do it?" she asks him, and he shifts, and then shrugs.

"I don't know" he answers. And she hates him even more because he didn't even have a reason for ruining her life. And she feels tears fall.

"You have ruined my life" her voice is on the edge of a whisper. "And you don't have a reason" she continues, and then buries her face in her left cold hand.

"I have an appointment" he says, and brushes past her.

"I'm pregnant" she stops him with those words, and he turns around, interested, almost... happy.

"Are you going to keep it?" he asks hopefully, and these are the words that makes her raise her hand and slap him, and then storm into the hospital and into the elevators. Him following after her, making it clear to people that they were not on each others good side.

He manages to get into the same elevator as her.

"Did you just slap me?" he asks confused. "Why?" he almost yells, and she wishes she had taken the stairs. She is just about to press one of the buttons for the next floor so that she could take the stairs instead, when he presses the emergency stop button and the elevator stops moving. "Why?" he repeats in a just as high voice, and she flinches. This is the first time she has been alone with him without anyone close, or glass walls to protect her since that night, and she can feel herself trembling.

"You had no right to ask that question" she wonders why he ever let that bad guy Wilson out, he was so good... This is a part of Wilson that should be kept away from the world in a secured box that no one knows the code to.

"It's my child" he insists, and she closes her eyes and breathes slowly.

"You raped me" she whispers.

"And you are the first woman on earth to ever get raped" her eyes widen in shock, fear and... she felt hopeless.

"You don't regret it at all..." her bottom lip quivers.

"Why should I?" she pushes him against the wall harshly.

"You fucking bastard!" she yells, he steps forwards and towers above her. "Are you going to hit me?" he blinks, and seems to think about what to do.

"I know you are going to keep that baby because she don't believe in abortion, you think it's a child all ready" she starts to cry, and the elevators begin to move again, and as soon as the elevator stops at their floor, she rushes off as quickly as she can, only to run straight into Foreman. He hugs her and looks at Wilson questioningly, noticing the red mark on his cheek.

"I just told her that I believe there is nothing I can do to treat her aunt's cancer" she cries even harder into his chest when he says that, but then steps out of Foreman's arms and look at Wilson.

"I _hate _you" she say with venom. She doesn't know what to do after saying that. She wants to run but running from the hospital would only make her look like she is crazy... but maybe she is. Foreman puts his arms around her again, and she burries her head in his chest.

He begins to lead her towards the conference room, and she notice how dizy she feels.

"Euhm... Foreman... I'm not... feeling so good" she raise her head to look where they are, only to feel even more dizy. And then she feels her knee's give in. Suddenly she is limp in Foreman's arms, and Foreman yells for help, because he has worked to long under House to not be afraid when something happens, and he just hopes that there is nothing wrong with her.

"She's pregnant" House reads out loud to the two men and the woman standing outside one of the clinic rooms.

"She's what?" Cuddy asks disbelieving.

"Pregnant" House repeats "Anyone in here the father?" he looks at Chase, but he shakes his head.

"No... she's doesn't want to date me..." he explains awkwardly, and looks at house "What about you?" he blinks.

"What?" he asks confused.

"Well she's hot, she likes you... It can't be impossible" he shrugs "Why not?"

"I've never slept with her..." he answers slowly, and shakes his head. "What happened before she fainted? I've hard roumors of a fight" he says in his speacial gossip voice.

"She and Wilson came out of the elevator... she was crying, looking pretty upset, and he looked agitated... I have no idea why" Foreman explained.

"Wilson's the father!" House sums up with.

"I wouldn't think so..." Foreman said, and coughed awkwardly.

"Why?" everyone in the room asked him.

"She told him she hated him when they got out of the elevator..." he explained.

"She hates him because he got her pregnant..." Cuddy tries.

"No... I think she really hates him" Foreman pointed out.

"I don't believe you" House says with a smug smile.

"That just explains that you weren't there" Foreman argues "She was trembling for gods sake, ready to run"

"She was afraid?" Cuddy asks, and Foreman shrugs and nods. "Of Wilson?" she asks disbelievingly.

"All I know that something made her either extremely mad or afraid... or maybe even both" Foreman looks through the window into the room, and see's Cameron coming to again. She starts to sit up, but then lays down again, she looks around the room as a hand rests on her forehead, takes a few deep breathes, before standing up and walks towards the door, so does he.

"Cameron" she looks at him frightened, and closes the door a little again. "What happened up there?" she opens her mouth.

"He told me he couldn't do anything to help my aunt" she says with a frail voice, and looks behind Foreman and see's Chase, Cuddy and House standing behind him.

"I don't believe you" House says in a singsong voice, and she looks at him quickly, a look of fear passing her eyes, but then disappeared just as quickly as it appeared.

"I want to be alone" she says, and Chase and Foreman sigh.

"Have you been to a check up yet?" she looks at Foreman and shakes her head, and he can't help but think how little she looked. "I can do that for you, if you want to?" she closes her eyes and leans her head against the door, and then she nods, opening the door further.

Before Foreman closes the door he glares at House.

"You know the drill" he say, and she lays down on the exam table, a rolls her top up over her stomach. As Foreman pulls out the machine, he couldn't help but notice how she avoided looking at him. He squirted jell on her stomach, and then put the wand to her stomach after he put the machine on. "You're about six or seven weeks along..." he says, and she nods, but still doesn't look at him, or even his way. Foreman sighs, and looks towards the window and sees Chase, House and Cuddy standing there looking in. Rolling his eyes he stands up and pulls the blinds.

"Cam, what happened in the elevator today" she smiles briefly, and closes her eyes.

"Nothing" she looks down on her stomach, and reaches for a piece of paper, but he grabs her hands to stop her "Don't touch me!" she snaps, and removes his hand with her other hand.

"I'm not done yet" she resembles a teenager when she sits back down and stares at the ceiling. "Cameron, you can tell me" he insists.

"Sure" she mumbles, and a finger traces the outline of the jell on her stomach before quickly taking her hands away.

"Ok then" he sighs, and gives her a paper towel so she can wipe the jell away. He stands up to leave, and just when he's by the door she stops him.

"Hey Foreman..." he turns around to look at her "Can you schedule and abortion for me?" she asks sadly, looking at the floor. He nods.

"Sure" he closes the door and closes his eyes. When he opens them three people are standing in front of him, making him jump.

"What did she say?" he looks at them sadly.

"Abortion"


	8. 8

Sorry for the late update. I shouldn't really be doing this right now either since I have a lot of tests to study for. But here is another chapter and I'll try to get one up tomorrow too! Deal? ) This one is a flashback to _the night. _Not pleased with it, but I needed something to work on so; here it is. Next chapter will adress Cameron's pregnancy and the prospect of her abortion. I promise you it will not be left hanging like that!

* * *

8**.Christmas Eve, one month earlier**

She smiled sadly as she watched a drunk Santa Clause stumble out of the bar with his red hat half way off of his head.

"Poor guy" she commented, and took a sip of her beer, careful of not getting so drunk that she too stumbled out of the bar at the end of the night.

"Well, it's his own fault" called Chase, not even bothering to look at the poor man.

"Do you blame yourself for your own misery too?" Foreman asked, a little annoyed and a little drunk.

"Stop it before both of you get angry and spend all day tomorrow miserable. It's Christmas boys" she smiled, realizing that she was, even though careful and monitored drinking, tipsy.

"Right, you're right" Foreman said, cheering up slightly. "Tomorrow we're going to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, even though two thirds of us doesn't believe in God" Chase glared at Foreman, but still cheered up.

"Let's make a toast for-" Chase had raised his glass, and the rest of them had followed suit, but they were interrupted by three figures, one of them loudly cleared his throat as one of them sat down next to Foreman and Chase.

"House!" Cameron exclaimed slightly surprised and slightly happy.

"I'll join in on that toast!" House announced and stole Chase's glas and pushed it against Cameron's and then Foreman's, ignoring Chase's protests, and drank it "What the hell is this? Juice?" he asked Chase disgusted, but still drank up the rest of it.

"Its beer" Chase tried to explain meekly, but no one heard him.

"Do you mind if we sit down?" Wilson asked politely, and glanced over at Cuddy who looked embarrassed.

"Sure, have a seat, the more the merrier!" House said before anyone else could get anything out of their mouth's, Wilson looked at Cameron and she shrugged.

The evening progressed quickly, and even though no one got really drunk, the alcohol made them more talkative and everything that was said was funny. The laugh flowed, and even House was having fun.

But the evening ended after a while, and all of them decided to share two cabs and split the cost. Chase, Foreman and Cuddy lived in the same direction, whereas Cameron, House and Wilson lived on the other side of town, but slightly more spread out.

They dropped House off first, he slammed the door shut before either of them had a chance to say goodbye, and hurried inside to continue his evening with a bottle of scotch and watching a sappy Christmas movie since his Tivo had suddenly stopped working a few days before.

Next it was Cameron's place, and she stumbled out of the cab, and hurt her wrist and cut her hand open when she put it down on an extra sharp stone.

"Ouch!" she exclaimed, and sat down on the ground, her feet still inside the cab. "I'm bleeding" she confirmed in an amused tone.

"Let me see" Wilson demanded softly, and she held up her hand, ignoring the cabbie's annoyed expression. "Let me come in and help you with that" Wilson began to pull out his wallet.

"No, you don't have to, I'm a doctor" she giggled.

"Yeah, yeah, c'mon I'm trying to be a gentleman here" he said, shrugging his shoulders.

"Fine, but then I'm paying for your cab home" she argued.

"Fine, we'll talk about that later" he settled, and handed the cabbie his money before helping Cameron off the ground, and then they disappeared in to the building.

MDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMD

"Ok, I admit that I did make out with a... **jock, **as you so friendly put it, when I was in high school" she said while laughing, tilting her head back to rest on the back of the couch

"I knew it" he said with a smile, he couldn't help that her laugh was infectious.

"I need to clean my ceiling" she suddenly said, he raised his eyebrows, before sitting down next to her so he could look up at the ceiling too.

"Huh, you're right" he agreed thoughtfully, and sighed contently. They both stayed like that, looking up at the ceiling, Wilson looked over at Cameron every once in a while, looking at her lips as she took heavy breaths, and watched her as she closed her eyes and slowly started to drift off. He couldn't help himself when he reached over and kissed her.

She didn't object, so he pulled her so that she was facing him, and tried to open her mouth, he had always wanted to know how she kissed, how her lips would feel against his. That caused her to pull back and look at him apologetic.

"Maybe you should... go?" she said, and started to stand up, suddenly sobering up.

"Is it House?" he asked, getting a bit frustrated.

"No, it's not House" she answered defensively "I just don't feel for you that way" she explained, feeling that if he didn't leave soon things might get ugly. Maybe alcohol and Wilson wasn't a good mix.

"You don't love me?" he asked a bit tauntingly, his mouth twitched into a smile, or maybe it was a smirk. She couldn't tell on Wilson, Wilson didn't usually smirk.

"Dr Wilson you really need to leave" she said standing in front of him. He looked at her and then stood up, looking down at her.

"I'll leave when I want to leave" he put a hand on her shoulder, which she quickly brushed off.

"If you don't leave now I'll call the police" she warned in a low voice, and took a step back. He followed her.

"Allison" he said with a disappointed sigh, letting one hand brush against her arm.

"Please leave Dr Wilson" he ignored her and quickly pressed his lips against her before she had a time to react. She strained to pull back, pushing against his chest, a futile fight, since he was much stronger and heavier than her. "What are you doing?" she asked him, her voice trembling because she couldn't find a way to get control of the situation.

His hands landed on her waist, one hand went under her shirt, feeling the hot skin under there. She saw her chance to break free and ran for it, her first thought was to flee into her bathroom, but she remembered that the lock was broken, she had no where to flee, she had already ran past the door. There was no going back.

She stopped in the middle of the hallway, turning around to see if he was coming after. Who was this person? This couldn't be the gentle, caring and loving doctor that was the gruff un-caring doctor's best friend; she had no idea what had caused this change.

He was standing right behind her, and this time he wasted no time in pushing her up against the wall and getting rid of her shirt, pulling it roughly over her head, she let out a scared yelp, trying to push him off of her.

"Please stop" left her mouth, over and over again as she fought "Help!" she also tried to scream many times, hoping that someone would pass outside her door- but that was highly unlikely since she was living furthest down the hallway, and both of her neighbors were out of town or staying at their girlfriend's place. No one was there to save her from the loving doctor.

He pulled her the rest of the short distance into her bedroom; she broke free and tried to run away from the room, dressed in only her pants. He grabbed her waist and pulled her back, pushing her onto her own bed. She saw her cell lying on her night stand she tried to reach for it but only pushed it on the floor, and the glass on it fell over and emptied it of water.

He grunted and grabbed her hands, holding them above her head, pulling her pants open, ripping the button and yanking down the zipper. She cried, now she could only hope for a miracle.

As he undressed himself she looked past him and up, fixing her gaze on the white ceiling.

Everything was white until it turned black.

She hated him, that was her last thought before she passed out from exhaustion, alcohol, fear and pain- hoping that the sleep would last long


	9. 9

Back again! I'm avoiding homework and all that by posting this so; thank you for letting me! D And the one who can figure what this smiley shows gets a cookie; o-(+o)  
Have a nice day/night/evening/morning whatevs

* * *

**9. **She hugs the blanket closer around her body. She isn't cold, but still find comfort in the warmth the blanket offers her.

She called Joseph the day before and asked if he could come and just be with her for a few days. She is glad he said that he couldn't, because she acted on impulse and didn't think about the consequences. What will Joseph do when he finds out? But he will never find out the whole story.

A part of her regrets telling Foreman she wanted an abortion, because she knows that the decision isn't that easy. She can't decide just like that, she has only known for about a week.

She hates him for not only doing what he did to her, but putting her in this situation, forcing her to make this decision. She also hates herself for feeling that her body is betraying her, that her getting pregnant is the worst betrayal her body could do to her at this time. Getting pregnant is supposed to be this amazing thing that many women longed for, something she longed for a few times- but now it is something that just makes everything worse.

A part of her wants to do the abortion... but another part of her wants this child. And all she wants is to be able to make this decision.

She jerks when the phone rings, suddenly torn away from her thoughts.

"Hello?" her voice is cautious; she doesn't want to take any risks.

"Hi Dr Cameron, its Dr Cuddy" her voice is friendly but dominant.

"Hi..." she greets her confused.

"I just wanted to call you before I left, to let you know that... that my door is always open if you need anyone to talk to" she knows that Cuddy has to make these calls to keep herself updated with the staff and also keep them sane enough to do their job.

"Thank you" she say, and feels tears collecting in her throat. She clears it to keep herself from embarrassing herself.

"I just wanted to let you know that... and yeah" Cuddy clears her throat this time "Take care"

"You too, bye" she hangs up before she can say anything else


	10. 10

**DON'T FORGET THE CHAPTER BEFORE THIS!! **

* * *

10. She sits in the café across the street from the hospital with a hot cup of chocolate in her hands. Cuddy is sitting on the other side of the small table, looking at her with big blue eyes.They are amazingly similar in color to House's.

She had knocked at her door not so long ago and asked for advice, which she was willing to give, even though she had not said anything of what really. Just that it was about her pregnancy. The one, as far as Cuddy know, she is going to terminate.

Cuddy is drinking her coffee with good appetite, but her hot chocolate isn't touched yet.

"I just want to make the right decision..." she starts with a hesitant voice, and looks down into her cup "And I don't know what that is"

"If you're worried about your career, having a child shouldn't be a problem. Many doctors have children, and many are single parents too" Cuddy leans back against the wall behind her. They're sitting in a booth, far away from prying ears and eyes.

"No... It's more the morals and what's right for... well me" she tries to explain. She knows that Cuddy won't understand if she doesn't tell her the whole, ugly, truth. But as much as she hates Wilson, she can't do it. It can be because of House, or it can be something completely different. But the point is; she's not telling.

"I don't think I understand..." Cuddy admits perplexed, and Cameron takes a deep breathe, thinking of how she is going to explain this.

"The uhm... _father_ and I aren't... He's an ass" she explains as quickly as she can, but it's hard to call Wilson "the father". It seems so wrong. "He did a lot of things wrong, hurt me so much that I'm still trying to cope with it... and I probably will for the rest of my life" she stops before she says too much, and is silent for a long while "And I tried to forgive him, I really did... but he didn't regret it, and that hurt me even more"

They both are silent for a long while. Cuddy doesn't know what to say, if she expects an answer or if she is fine with the awkward and somewhat comforting silence.

"He wants this child" she says after a while, pushing her untouched cup away and looks up at Cuddy for the first time. "a part of me wants me to do the abortion because it'll hurt him, and it's the choice I'm _supposed _to make. I mean how can I look at this child and _not _think of _him_?" she feels like crying now, this is all too much. "And the other part wants this child so much... that part is so excited about it" she bows her head again.

"I don't understand why he says he wants it... He won't take care of it, never say he's the child's father." she shakes her head

"If you take _him _out of the equation, if it wasn't him who was the father, what would your decision be then?" the answer to that question is easy, and if it only is that easy. She sinks lower, and buries her head in her arms.

"I would keep it" she answers truthfully, but she isn't sure if Cuddy hears it.

She feels like fifteen again, trying to hide some of the things that were new to her that year, trying to become that in depended girl that could manage without her mother's help. But she isn't fifteen, hasn't been for fourteen years. It's pointless to remember who she was then, when she is such a different person now. She remembers that her mother always saw through her excuses, and is carefull of not pulling any to Cuddy. She is always too easy to see through.

"If he won't be in the child's life, why keep him as a factor of not keeping it?" she feels like crying. She has done for so long. That empty feeling in her stomach (that isn't so empty), the hollow feeling in her heart, her tired mind, and her stinging eyes. Every breathe feels painful and a cry-scream is threatening to escape.

They are quiet again, and Cuddy frowns, wondering why the father is so important when he seems like a distant character in Cameron's life. Someone in the past.

"I don't think I'll be able to have this child and stay here... working under House" she whispers after a while, her voice betraying a bit of the fear and disgust she felt.

Cuddy is curious, it is idiotic to think otherwise. She is handed this big puzzle with large peices missing and is told to fix a part of it without knowing what it is supposed to be portraying. Of course she gets curious of the whole puzzle instead of the peice she is asked to fix, who wouldn't ? So Cameron regrets all of this now. She just wants to go back to the hospital and pretend that no one knows about this. About her fears and insecurities.

"There is a position open in Immunology... and one in the ER" Cuddy tries, not wanting to loose a doctor.

"I'll think about it" Cameron says with a smile that is truly genuin. Cuddy is really trying to help her. They see the opportunity to leave this conversation that is more challenging than either would've thought.

"Let me know if you're going to take it, and what you'll decide" Cuddy says, her voice seeming more distant and professional. That comforts Cameron slightly. "We can make the transfer quick and painless... well if you count House out" Cuddy laughs, and Cameron tries too.

This is really her only way out. Who would want a pregnant single doctor? She has enough against her as it is.


	11. 11

**11.** Weeks pass in a blur without her making a decision. Every time (all the time) she thought of it she either had to push it away to keep herself from thinking about Christmas, or she got stuck on the same thought; what is the right decision?

Soon a month had passed, and then it was suddenly in the end of February and she still hadn't made an appointment anywhere.

The abortion Foreman scheduled she didn't go to. It was a week after he found out, when she was sitting the café with Cuddy.

The 20th she went to Cuddy to accept the position in the Immunology department. And now it is the 23rd and she is taking the few things that are hers in a small box she's going to move into an office on the other side of the building. She hopes that she will find some comfort there, something she has lacked for the past months.

The utter confusion had played on Foreman's, Chase's and House's face for days as they watched her getting ready to leave them without any explanation why.

She stands in front of the brown box, angry at herself for letting him control her life like this. She is supposed to be able to fight this, him, life, everything. But now she's giving in, just because she got pregnant and can't make the right choice.

Chase looks at her from the computer, his eyes drifting down to her stomach which isn't showing anything beneath the lab coat. She can feel a small bump, and even see it if she looks closely. She is thin and short, so she can see it more clearly. But he won't see it.

"Are you getting a raise then?" he asks.

"A bit, but not that much" she shrugs "I think it's because I'm having a child more then the job itself" she tries to joke.

"That's nice" he answers, taking everything too seriously. "Just... don't forget to visit some times... it's easy to avoid people in this hospital. It's quite big" she remembers his ex, a nurse that still works in this hospital but he hasn't seen in two months.

"I will, promise" she assures him.

She knows what he isn't saying, and she knows what she isn't saying. This whole situation is wrong, and it's all her fault.


	12. 12

I'll try to get more up this week, but I'm uncertain of when I will be able to do so... There are nine chapters left now, including epilogue... so you have that to look forward to all lurkers ;-) (And that smily; 0-(+0) 0 is a fist, () is the "end" of the faces, and the + is the eyes (couldn't get anything better here) and - is the arms )

* * *

12. The first month in Immunology is hard. The place is new, and it's something she can't handle at the moment. Right now everything is so new, and this is just one new thing added onto her list. The tiredness that her pregnancy brings on just makes the unfamiliar atmosphere even more unfamiliar and strange.

She goes to her first check up, and the gynaecologist notice some old scars that she isn't so keen on finding an excuse to cover up, but she doesn't ask any questions. Just says that she should be a bit more careful now that she is pregnant. Other than that she is fine, she is gaining weight and the foetus is developing just like it should.

For her next appointment she might be able to find out the gender, but she isn't so sure if that is what she wants.

Wilson comes to see her a few hours before that appointment, when she is all alone in her office.

"So... you're defiantly keeping it?" she glares at him and stand up from her desk.

"Seems that way" she answers coldly, planning an escape.

"Oh" he says with a grin spreading across his face.

"You are _not _going to be in this child's life" she wants to scream, but says it as calmly as she can. He thinks about this for a while, and his eyes narrows.

"You'll have to take it to court, because I have rights you know" he points out.

"What about _me_?! Didn't _I_ have any rights?!" she screams, and tears start forming in her eyes.

"Oh c'mon" he groans "If it weren't for me you wouldn't be pregnant right now, you wouldn't soon be a mother"

"And that makes it worth it? That something comes out of this?" everything he says feels like a blow to her chest. "I don't _want _this" she points to her stomach, to him, around the office "I want what I had last year, before _you_" she starts to walk to the door but he stands in front of it.

"Though" he spits back at her. "But I'm the child's father, I should have some role in its life" he argues.

"So you'll go and tell people that, I won't. Then maybe I will tell them what really happened" she threatens. He is silent for a long time before he looks at her sadly. "I don't want you here, in my life and in _my _child's life. You brought this on yourself" she steps out of her office when he is silent and too wrapped up in his thoughts.

She truly wishes that she was still that woman she was the year before; naive and a romantic.

--

The doctor is overly cheery, and even though she feels a bit sick when she smiles at every little thing she does; she can't help but to smile back. She talks about her first patient she had many years back in her career, when she was all alone and no older and more experienced doctor to talk to. Cameron is after all a doctor too, and knows the feeling all too well. The doctor tells her that she was so nervous that she almost missed that her patient was carrying twins.

Then they move the subject to her and how she is feeling. Her pregnancy is like a pregnancy should, the only thing she is lacking is that glow. Some people told her she glowed a bit, but not at all like the other pregnant women in the waiting area, and that makes her a bit sad. But it's understandable.

She has decided to find out what gender the child is, since she has such a trouble narrowing names and such down. And she wants to paint the nursery in a good color, but she'll probably go with light green anyway.

When she is lying there with her shirt rolled up over her stomach and the wand circling her stomach to look at the baby she sees it. She sees him. It's a boy.

Tears start welling up in her eyes, and this is the first cry of happiness since forever. She had forgotten how it was to cry a happy-cry.


	13. 13

13. She is in the twentieth week when she picks up the phone and calls her mother. She has already told Joseph, two weeks ago. Her mom answers with an overly sugary sweet voice, but it is instantly reduced to a bored monotone when she hears it's only her eldest daughter.

"It's been a while" her mother points out, and she looks up at the damned ceiling and sighs.

"Yeah... a bit over four months" she says, there is no point in hiding it; her mother and her have never been close and there is no point in hiding it.

"So, what owes me the pleasure?" she gets overly cheery again.

"Uhm, I've got something to tell you" she pauses for a second "something important" hoping that that would stop her mother from being interrupted by something more important than her daughter's news.

"Are you getting married again? Or are you already married and didn't bother to call your mother like last time?" she closes her eyes and counts to ten.

"No mom... I... It's something _happy_" she tries to change the subject. This is something that has caused so many fights in the past.

"Oh well, what causes you to call me has to be something good" sarcasm.

"Mom I'm pregnant" there is silence for a few minutes before her mother starts laughing lightly.

"So you _are _getting married?" she sounds happy for the first time in ages, and Cameron is shocked.

"No... I'm just pregnant, I'm just having a baby that's all" she buries her head in her hands

"And the father?" she asks with a superior voice, trying not to sound condescending.

"He's... not around" The rest of the conversation is filled with her mother lecturing her, about her life and that she always fails to do what everyone else's daughter's and son's are doing. Then she starts to talk about Suise and Aaron and what they are doing at college and how their career are progressing, like she doesn't keep contact with them.

When she hangs up she feels drained and goes to bed falling asleep crying.


	14. 14

Won't update until after the 21, I'm going away for a week ;)

* * *

14. Susie stops by her apartment one day, not calling ahead or anything. Just one Saturday at one pm she is standing in the doorway smiling at her older sister.

"Allis!" she squeals and quickly throws her arms around her sister and gives her a big hug. "Uh! You're getting big" she jokes and rubs her stomach.

"Thanks..." she says wearily and opens the door further to let her sister in. "What are you doing here?" she asks as she follows her sister into her apartment and watches as she sits down on her couch.

"There is a photoshoot here next week, and I thought I'd come a bit before so I could visit my old sister and see how she's doing" she shrugs.

"How's your modeling going?" she sits down slowly next to her sister and watches a younger, slimmer- if not even prettier- version of her tries to hold herself from laughing.

"It's going..." she says wearily, and looks around the apartment."Mom is not happy, you know... with all of this"

"Yeah I got that from the twenty-something phone calls she won't answer" Cameron answers bitterly.

"But she's the only one, just so you know" Cameron turns to look at her sister who now has tears in her eyes. "Oh god... I promised myself I wouldn't do this" she says while wiping away the tears that are falling down.

"Susie" she wraps her arms around her sister and holds her close "What's wrong?" she asks as gently as she could.

"I can't take it… The pressure, the competition" she buries her head into her sister's shoulder. "They say I need to loose weight, but I can't… I've been cutting down on calories! I've exercised… Doing everything the healthy way, but it didn't work" she leans back and looks at her sister, with the expression saying that she is going to be brutally honest.

"I stopped eating Allis… and everything I ate I threw up" she averts her gaze "there is no modeling job… I fainted on a runway and lashed out at a few photographers… no one wants me anymore"

"I want you" she says "I want you to be here with _me_" Susie looks at her and smiles slightly "You can live with me until you figure out what to do…"


	15. 15

I lied... well I wouldn't have been able to post now if my parents hadn't ruined my "good bye" party that I was having with a few friends :-/ I'm a bit pissed so to cheer myself up I'll post this!! ) But now; for real, I won't post until 21/22 (Idk really when I'll get home!)  
Have a nice week! D

* * *

15. The cafeteria is busy even though lunch ended over two hours ago. She sits in one of the corners alone, eating all of the stuff she managed to fill her tray with. She didn't want to embarrass herself and take _everything _she wants to take, but merely sticking to a bit more than half of it.

Someone sits down in front of her and she looks up into two incredibly blue eyes and jumps slightly. With one hand on her chest she blinks and tries to say something so he wouldn't humiliate her.

"It's a bit early to start hamstering" he says instead, and looks at the food that filled the tray "it's only June"

"I'm hungry" she defends herself lamely, and somewhat guiltily puts down the sandwich she was eating when she sat down earlier.

"God, you're pregnant" he says and looks at the food, she is just about to retort when he continues "don't look at me like that. You're supposed to eat, ok?" she nods like a small child, and remembers that this is the first time she talks to him since she started in immunology.

"I am" she says, and lowers her gaze. He can still get to her, and that upsets her slightly.

"Heard you're getting married" she looks up at him like he's crazy, and looks around the cafeteria like she would somehow spot the source of that gossip in there.

"No" she says in a tone that cannot be argued with, and he squint his eyes so she sees that he's just messing with her. "What do you want House?" she asks and looks at him, challenging him with her gaze.

"It's been_ three _months" he says in that voice that shows that he is affected by this, that _her _not being around disturbed what he considered normal. "Almost four"

"I've been busy" she covers up quickly, but he catches her lie even before she said it. He looks at her and something tells her this is serious, no bullshit can be pulled.

"You've been eating late lunches for three months, and it's not because you're nauseous because you eat two fruit at least once an hour. You either come early or late, making sure that no one you know is around before she step into the elevator to make sure you won't get stuck with them" he stops and watches her reaction before he continues "You look at me, scared, because you're afraid I'm onto something you don't want me to know…"

She opens her mouth to interrupt him, but he silences her as he continues.

"You're constantly looking at the door, without even noticing" her eyes quickly look at the door and then looks back at him amazed

"What do you want to accomplish with this?" she leans back from him, crossing her arms.

"I want to know what you are hiding" he tells her plainly. No, Gregory House doesn't like when other people have secrets, himself he likes to hide though.

"I'm not hiding anything" her voice is so even that she almost believes it herself.

"Why do people even bother to lie to me?" it's not really a question, and he stares at her so long it feels like he knows everything.

"It's a bit more complicated than that" she blinks and looks away. She can't take this.

She's not hungry anymore so she pushes away her plate. House had done the impossible- spoiled her appetite.

"House!" someone shouts from the door, and he looks up quickly, and so does she. Chase is rushing up to them as quickly as he can, maneuvering around the tables. "It's Wilson… he just collapsed" House stands up quickly, the chair hitting the floor when he is already halfway out of the cafeteria.

She sits there stunned, looking at the door where both men had disappeared seconds earlier.


	16. 16

I'm home again, tired- dead tired. Here is a really short chapter, and this is the beginning of the end- five chapters left! :O  
NEXT CHAPTER; up soon )

* * *

16. He sits on a chair, tapping his cane against the linoleum floor when she gets up on the third floor. He looks as if she is far away, so she sits down next to him without saying anything.

She is there because she is curious, not concerned.

The bed is empty, but she knows that this is Wilson's room. Everyone knew that this was Wilson's room.

House lets out a long breath and sits up straighter, and looks at her.

"Do they know yet?" she asks trying to catch his eyes that are flying around the room, undoubtedly trying to find another explanation for what Wilson has.

"Brain tumour… cancer" he quickly tells in her in a monotone.

House leaves after a while, but she can't move, she tries but she really can't.

Soon Cuddy walks into the room and sits next to her with an unreadable expression.

"Can this explain personality changes?" she asks, and looks at Cuddy with tears starting to fill her eyes.

"The location of the tumour… yes" Cuddy closes her eyes "He's been acting strange lately, but I've just thought it was stress"

"Oh god" she exclaims quietly, and buries her head in her hands. Is this why?


	17. 17

So I've been having not just a little bad luck lately, so if I stop updating now it's probably because the computer broke down. It won't surprise me if it does so...  
Well, here is the next chapter. Cameron dealing with Wilson-issues, or sort of. I'll update later today, cause this is too short and I feel cruel to leave them like this!

* * *

**17.** After Wilson's surgery she waits alongside House and Cuddy for Wilson to wake up. They don't question her, she has always cared, why would she stop now?

They watch General Hospital, re-runs, and shows she didn't care to memorize their names, on the small television in the waiting room. The surgeon comes after a while, and stands before them with a slight smile. They need no words, but the surgeon tells them everything anyway. They managed to get everything out.

Cuddy says they're going to call in an oncologist from another hospital since the doctors here are too close to Wilson to be able be objective in his future treatment.

Then they wait for him to wake up. Really it's just a waiting game.

It's ten hours after the surgery that they are allowed to come into the room. Wilson looks at the three of them with lazy eyes. On his head is a hat like bandage, and she can see that all of his hair has been shaven off.

"'m 'orry Allion… sorry" he says as soon as he see's her in front of him. She nods slightly and lays a hand on top of his.

"Later…" she says with a promising smile. Though she isn't sure this will ever come up again.

She looks away and sees both Cuddy and House look at her questioningly.

Wilson have had better days, there is no question about it. She feels bad when she realize that she doesn't feel sadder for him than she would for a patient she had never met. It is a defense mechanism; somehow life became much easier when she made herself a stranger.

She wonders if this is going to mean anything, and if she's going to let it.


	18. 18

So my computer _did _break down (lol, that was funny actually xD) but an hour later it was up and running perfectly again! So as promised; the next chapter!

* * *

**18.** She hits eight month and Susie is still living with her, and she still hasn't talked to Wilson. She is happier this way, but happy isn't really the right word. She is merely… satisfied. It works for her; she isn't lonely and she doesn't have to face what happened to her eight months ago.

She wakes Susie up every night when she has nightmares. Susie asks questions but she tells her she is only anxious about becoming a mother. It isn't a total lie; some of the nightmares involve her son, but most of them are her re-living Christmas Eve.

She helps Susie get a job as a cleaner at the hospital- not the most glamorous but it makes her do something other than sit around in her apartment sulking over her lost career. The first week Susie is a bit angry that she couldn't get a better job, but then she starts talking more to her co-workers and makes a friend.

Sometimes makes a detour just to see how Wilson is doing, but she never walks inside. She is hardly discreet with her large bump on her stomach, and soon everyone is expecting her to come up, smiling at her and making a friendly comment about her soon arriving baby. They obviously tell Wilson at some point, because he suddenly starts noticing her standing outside in the hallway.

She goes into the ninth month, and starts getting ready for leaving work for a long time. Her trips to the fourth floor become less frequent, but one day, just the day before she goes on maternity leave, he stands in the door way.

The hair on his head is still growing, even though the started the treatment three weeks ago. The only things that shows what he's going through is his pale face and the compress over the stitches.

"Can we talk, please?" he pleads. She sees a chair in his room and her feet are aching- and why push it up? It's going to happen sometime anyway.

She nods and wobbles inside the room, and lowers herself ungracefully into the chair, sighing at the relief it gives her feet. Wilson sits down on the bed, his feet still touching the ground, facing her.

She looks at the door and sees that it's closed.

"I feel awful… worse than that… I just wish that I could take it all back" he covers his face with one hand and looks down on his feet. "I've acted like a... there is no word for it" she agrees with him so she says nothing, just keeping her eyes on the floor.

"Do you think that you can forgive me, sometime?" he asks hopefully, she still doesn't say anything. She remembers Christmas Eve, coming back to work, discovering that she was pregnant… She can't forgive him, because he's done more than just rape her.

"I don't know" she says after a while, cursing herself for the fact that her voice doesn't carry. She looks up at him and blinks away her tears. He looks heartbroken.

"Will I be able to be in the baby's life?" he asks, just as hopeful.

"I don't know" she answers in the same voice.

They both sit there, not looking at each other for a long time before she stands up awkwardly, and open the door. When she is almost out of the door she turns around and looks at him.

"It's a boy" she tells him. It's a semi forgiveness, not even that, just a step in another direction. A step to where they used to be.

Maybe.

* * *


	19. 19

Baby-time!

* * *

19. She gives birth August 29th at 6.30 am, after five hours of labor. Susie stands next to her, cheering her on and helps her through the pain. Somehow she manages without an epidural, maybe it's because she knows the risks like the back of her hand.

Joseph arrives just a few minutes after the birth of her son with her little brother Aaron with him. Her mother doesn't come.

With her baby in her hands and her family with her she couldn't, and would never be able to explain the emotions she was going through.

She names him Levi Alexander Cameron.

He has dark blue eyes, they almost look purple. She knows they will turn brown later. Ten fingers ten toes (she knows because she counts them five times just to make sure).

Susie complains about his name, but Cameron liked it from the moment she heard it. Now she loves it.

She can't stop looking at him, that small little baby that is so amazing that she can't believe it's her son.

She's a mother.

* * *


	20. 20

So I'm feeling really down, cheer me up with some comments, please?  
Next chapter is the epilogue.

* * *

**20.** In between everyone who visits her and her little Levi, she is left alone with him. It feels suffocating after a while. First it is bliss, then slowly comes the feeling of not being enough. How can she be a good mother?

Levi sleeps as she sits on the bed looking down on him and his round face. He is less than a day old and she is afraid of what might happen years from now.

How is it to not have any experiences, to be innocent and not hurt? She wish could she know.

That night starts to come back to her, and it's worse than the nightmares. She can feel everything, hear everything, and smell everything. She is afraid and disgusted.

How can something so innocent come out of something so… evil.

She almost thinks she should forgive him now, for doing this to her. He was after all not himself, it was his brain tumor. But something stops her, and she can't get around that block.

Then suddenly the night comes and she is staring out of the window. It's not cold outside now; the wind isn't cold but warm. It's nothing like that night, but somehow it feels so much like it that it's suffocating.

She is moving soundlessly out of the room before she knows it. Levi is with all the other babies now, and if someone asks her she is on her way to see him.

She has the same feeling she had months ago, when she considered abortion. She is torn between not knowing if she deserved him and not wanting him.

She walks up to the roof and looks out over New Jersey. She feels numb.

She has for friggin' sake just had a beautiful baby boy! She should be out of herself with joy!

After a while when the sun starts to rise over the horizon she sits down and leans her back against the brick wall, closing her eyes and trying to sort out all of her thoughts.

She thinks it's about ten or eleven when someone bursts the door open and stares at her with big eyes. Cuddy, what is she doing here?

"Cameron… you've got the whole hospital looking for you" she breathes heavily. She knows she should feel guilty, but she is too full of emotion to know if she feels guilt. She shakes her head.

"Cameron? Are you alright?" she is suddenly asks, and she doesn't answer.

"I can't take care of him…" she whispers to her after a long silence, she is barely heard over the sounds of nature and traffic.

"Yes you-"

"He's beautiful… amazing, I can't believe I'm his _mother_" the but is hanging in the air, and Cuddy looks at her with a sad expression "but I'm not sure I want him" she cries, she feels horrible for not wanting her own son, she has gone through so much to have him, and now that he's here… she can't find it in her to take care of him.

"I'm a horrible person" she says out loud, and Cuddy draws her in for a hug.

"This has to do with the father, right?" she nods and closes her eyes. When she calms down, and still has Cuddy's arms wrapped around her she opens her eyes and looks at the clear blue sky above them.

"He raped me" it is too easy for her to say it, but when she's said it, they fall like lead over them.

"Allison…" she says using her first name, and it's comforting "Why didn't you report this?"

With her eyes closed she replies "I couldn't do that to you" she swallows hard; this is the hard part of telling. She knows Cuddy is frowning.

"To me or to us?" the confusion is evident even when she tries to hide it behind sincere concern.

"All of you" she whispers "To the whole hospital" she looks at Cuddy's now stormy blue eyes "No one would believe me anyway" she shrugs and plays with her fingers.

Of all the places, and all the people she has ever though about telling, the roof and Cuddy never crossed her mind. Cuddy is her boss, Wilson's boss.

Car horns and shouting people is heard up there too, and it makes all of this more awkward and surreal.

"Who?" Cuddy asks after a while, she has obviously realized that it is someone close to both of them.

"I can do that do him… not now" she whispers. She knows he can't be blamed for what he has done, but she knows Cuddy will anyway.

"You can trust me Allison" minutes pass again, the living street far down on the solid ground seems deafening in her ears.

"Wilson" she whispers after a while, and if she had seen Cuddy's face, she would've seen that she had finally figured it out.


	21. 21

So this is the last chapter which I post while beating myself up for having the memory of a goldfish! I want to thank everyone who reviewed, those who showed their support by putting my story on their alert/fav list, and those who simply read it, chapter after chapter! It's nice to know that people actually reads this story!

Anyway, this story ends here, I stop borrowing the character's lives and go on with my own. I hope that you liked it, and... Well, let's start the ending, shall I?

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**21. _Epilogue_**

_One and a half years later;_

She quickly pulls her hair into a ponytail, never taking her eyes of the blond baby in stroller. She smiles as he giggles, and quickly rushing over to him and picking him up.

At 18 months he knows how to get out of his stroller so quick that she would never see him trying if she looks away for just one second- and that is why she is nervous now; this is the first time she is going to leave him alone with _him. _

At eight months she left him at the daycare for the first time, she remembers the fear of what might happen to him. The first month was a torture, the second was merely painful- and then it started to get easier.

She looks around the park, trying to spot him and to make sure she is in fact in the right spot.

She picks Levi up and puts him on her hip, bouncing him up and down. There is something about his smile that makes it impossible for her not to, and then there is his laugh; the most infectious laugh there is.

She kisses his brown hair that really needs to be cut soon, since it's growing way too quickly. He smells baby, her baby, the smell that always makes her heart swell.

These two years has been rough for her, from the rape to now, standing in the park. Every day is a huge step for her, and sometimes she has a hard time waking up.

After she told Cuddy everything happened so fast, she still isn't so sure what and how everything happened. All she knows is that Cuddy helped her and got her to see a shrink, and while she needed time alone she would take care of Levi.

It turned out that there was a whole bunch of times like that.

Now she is better though, taking baby steps in the right direction. Talking about everything has turned out to be quite helpful for her, not only about this, but about her father too. She never grieved her father really, not once since he died when she was ten.

But she is past that now, and now even her mother talks to her. Everyone needs time, right?

She sees him in the corner of her eyes, and looks up to meet his puppy dog brown eyes- she no longer has nightmares of them.

"Hi" she smiles, and looks down on Levi; he truly is a mix of the two of them. Levi knows Wilson is his father so he claps his hand enthusiastically when he notices him.

"Hey" he reaches forward and takes one of Levi's tiny hands in his, his eyes lighting up when he sees his son. "Hello Lev"

They stand there awkwardly for a while before she hands Levi over to Wilson who immediately takes him and puts him on his hip. She can smile at the father son sight now, and that has taken so much time.

"I'll have him back by five" he promises, peeking through his long brown hair that he refuses to cut at least for a little while. He even has a beard now.

"Ok" she says, letting out a long breath. "Have fun" she smiles and then turns around to walk towards her car.

"Hey! Wait" he calls behind her, and she turns around "Thank you" she can hear how much he appreciates this.

"Don't worry about it" she calls back.

She thinks that soon she can almost forgive him. She will never forgive him totally, she knows that now, and no one really expects her to.

**The end!**

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